


Make me feel alive

by 898700 (ghostwriter)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Artificial Intelligence, Community: norsekink, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostwriter/pseuds/898700
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet L.O.K.I., Tony Stark's last attempt to create an A.I. as close to a human being as possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/12008.html?thread=29324520) on Round 14 of the norse!kink community at LJ.
> 
> _After creating J.A.R.V.I.S., Tony decides to create something that would be as close to a human being as possible. Physically, his creation is capable of feeling pain and pleasure (well, he can feel everything a human body feels), but Tony is not sure if Loki will be able to really feel emotions. Loki is not like J.A.R.V.I.S. Tony wanted to create an artificial human, not another robot, connected to some devices or anything of that sort, in which he succeeded. At first Loki is child-like, though he looks like an adult, but he develops into something more and gets his own personality in time._
> 
> _When Thor takes time to visit Midgard and visits his friend Tony, he sees Loki and falls for him really hard. When Tony rolls his eyes and explains that Loki is his creation and not really a human, so he can't really feel human emotions, it doesn't stop Thor's interest._
> 
> _But then he has to go back to Asgard. He promises to visit again soon. When he leaves, Loki complains to Tony that he's not okay, that something is wrong with him. When Tony scans him and finds nothing wrong, he starts suspecting that his creation's development goes further than expected. He monitors Loki's physical and especially emotional health and gets an evidence that Loki feels emotions. And then Tony realizes what exactly makes Loki feel that unusual pain. Loki misses Thor! Loki often looks brooding and unhappy until the day Thor comes back._

"You got to be fucking with me," he said as soon as the tube's surface was clear enough to show its contents. "And I really, really don't like when people fuck with me, unless it is the kind of fucking where fluids are exchanged, fun is had and everybody leaves satisfied. And at the moment I'm not satisfied. Bruce, tell him I'm not satisfied."

Bruce of course did nothing of the sort, although Tony forgave him because it was obvious the man had more urgent matters in his hands - his slowly turning green hands.

"I thought all specimens had been destroyed," Bruce said through clenched teeth.

Fury seemed completely unfazed. Tony would have been more pleased by another human being failing to show utter horror at Bruce, but at the moment he would have happily accepted a terrified Nick Fury.

"All specimens from the seized lab were destroyed," the Director stated. "This one is something else."

And now that more of the surface defrosted Tony could see Fury was right. All the other creatures SHIELD had seized were eerily similar to Steve, close enough that the Cap had spent some days looking seriously disturbed until DNA testing proved there was no biological relation. It simply was that, not surprisingly, HYDRA had a type: blond-haired, blue-eyed, white-skinned, powerfully built male Caucasians.

But the specimen in front of them was, as Fury had said, something else. Its skin was white all right, although Tony was ready to bet that put side by side with the rest of the clones, this one would make the others look tanned in comparison. It probably was an illusion created by the sterile surroundings and the shocking contrast its black hair made.

The biggest difference, though, was in its built. All the others had been obviously engineered to eventually become supersoldiers, and it showed. This one, although muscled, reminded him more of a dancer. Damn tall, but lithe and with fingers that wouldn't look out of place doing something that required precision.

"What was this one made for?"

Beside him Bruce growled, and Tony almost felt ashamed of his curiosity. _Almost_.

"Command, according to the notes we found."

"Holy fuck."

"That can't be right," Bruce said, surprise replacing anger. "No matter how much they filled their Arian ideal, HYDRA still saw them, these, the specimens as inferior. They wouldn't be put in charge. And even if they did they wouldn't have the capacity to—"

"Apparently this one does. Or has the potential to."

Tony had had enough.

"We saw their plans. Their installations, their entire process does not allow for something like this. _Nothing_ allows for something like this. These are drones, Nicky, empty-headed meat suits. Hell, even Doom's bots have more of a spark in them."

"It is impossible," Bruce agreed.

Fury looked at them both for a moment before signaling at the Agent that had accompanied them.

"It was a pet project of the head scientists," he said, taking a black object from the Agent's hand. "So well hidden we almost didn't found it … and apparently it was unsanctioned."

He offered them what Tony realized was a portable hard drive. Neither Bruce nor he made to take it.

"Why are we here, seriously?" he asked, feeling his hands itch. He _wanted_ to take it, it was knowledge, and if Fury was right … "Because I have a charity thing tonight, and as much as I hate those things, Pepper is seriously going to skin me with how late we already are."

Fury left the drive on a close shelf and shifted his attention to the creature floating in the tube close to them.

"This one will not be destroyed," he finally said, and something in his tone gave Tony a seriously bad feeling.

"Are they going to activate it?" No need to specify who _they_ were.

"They certainly are going to try. And according to the notes," Fury said, signaling at the shelf, "there's a good chance they'll be successful."

None of them said a thing for a long moment.

"You want Tony on this."

"I want both of you on this," Fury said, looking at Bruce directly in the eye. "Mr. Stark as the leading expert on artificial intelligence—"

"—and me as the leading expert on how to keep your inner monster under control."

A pause, and then, "Yes."

 _Motherfucker_.

"Thanks but no thanks," he said, taking Bruce's arm and pulling him in the door's direction. "If you excuse us, or even if you don't, see how much I care, we _really_ really have to leave. Tiny weenies do not eat themselves, if you know what I mean."

"Stark."

"Keep walking," he mumbled to Bruce, even if Bruce didn't even pause.

"You'll have free reign with the programing, as long as it prevents it from becoming a threat."

And that made both of them stop.

"You are just saying what we want to hear."

"Yes, but that doesn't make my words less of a truth." Fury put his hand on the tube's surface. "This creature is one of a kind, the only specimen produced from a process that has been lost, the installations where it was created long ago destroyed. All the scientists involved are dead, its DNA cannot be duplicated and what is left of their notes is incomplete," he said, waving in the hard drive's direction.

"They are still going to try to reverse engineer it." He knew they were.

Fury at least didn't try to deny the truth.

"Yes."

Tony and Bruce shared a look, and Tony knew what they were both thinking. It was one of the reasons why they were both part of the Avengers Initiative despite their mistrust for SHIELD in general and the committee that tried to control it in particular.

If this was something that was going to happen anyway, then the best they could do was help to set the boundaries.

"Can we call it Fido?" Tony asked while Bruce went to pick the drive.

"It had a denomination but its meaning has been lost with part of the files. L-O-K-I," Fury enunciated. "We believe it was in German."

"Loki, seriously?"

"Point Break is going to be thrilled," Tony declared, grinning. He was already planning the Viking helmet he was going to put on its head the next time Thor showed up. He finally had the perfect Christmas gift for the god that had everything: his own fake-Norse-god-that-only-existed-on-mythology.

It was going to be fun.

* * *

"Wouldn't it have been easier if Stark put this into its programming?"

In the other side of the gymnasium Loki fell again while the men in charge of his physiotherapy rushed to catch him. It was his best attempt so far, almost crossing the path from side to side on his own. Bruce was proud of him, but he could understand why Steve found the sight of an adult body being driven around by an almost empty mind uncomfortable.

"It would have needed too detailed instructions and there was not enough time after we took him out of the cryogenic chamber."

Steve flinched, but that wasn't unexpected.

"Why not keep it there until the instructions were ready, then?"

"He had to be moved," Bruce explained, reaching easily for the lie both he and Tony had agreed on. "The building he was on was to be demolished, and the chamber couldn't be disconnected from the mainframe."

In truth Tony could have easily built a better chamber at Stark Tower, but they both feared the switch might cause irremediable brain damage to Loki. Of course, nobody really cared about Loki's brain integrity but Bruce and Tony, and they had decided against sharing their real reasons with the rest of the world.

And that's how they had ended with a learning AI that had to be taught everything but the most basic body functions. Fortunately SHIELD had under their payroll several therapists specialized in brain damage, and between them and Tony's continued programming Loki could already eat and use the bathroom on his own. He still made a mess of himself from time in time, but at least Bruce didn't have to clean it.

"The file said it has superhuman strength." Ah, that explained why Steve was present despite his discomfort. "Isn't this dangerous? Should they be around it? After all, if it can't control its own—"

"Could you call him by his name? Or just … just stop using _'it'_ , please."

Steve of course looked surprised by Bruce's request. "But it—I mean, the, that, just …" The Captain frowned, and it was almost cute to see him silently discard words. "We are not talking about a human being here, Dr. Banner."

"Neither are Jarvis or Dummy or You human beings, but everybody uses their names when talking to them or about them. And it is a known fact that you use he-she pronouns when talking to little kids about their pets, Captain Rogers."

"That's different."

Ah.

"Certainly, Loki is only something that used to be human until other humans decided to experiment on him".

And yes, he was being rude with Steve and hitting him where it hurt most, but Bruce could too easily see himself in Loki's place. Moreover, in certain accounts Loki was already more human than the Hulk, and if Loki's programming was anything close to Jarvis' levels, which Tony was in fact trying to surpass, he should at least be given some respect.

Steve sighed.

"He has the potential to be dangerous, Bruce."

That made Bruce chuckle. "Don't we all?"

* * *

"Are we sure Stark didn't have anything with do with his creation?"

Natasha smiled at Clint. "Stark hates working with messy materials like flesh and its squishy stuffing." Rogers chocked on his spit. She winked at him. "His words, not mine."

Stark gave her a high five when he passed by her side, his focus on Loki, who was currently reading a screen and speaking quietly to Jarvis inside of the lab.

"He would be shinier had I had a say on his design."

Clint squinted at Loki. "I don't know, he already is kind of shiny, in a too pretty kind of way."

"Hey! No messing around with our baby boy. Daddy Hulk, tell him our baby boy is out of limits."

"Are we sure he was intended for command?" Natasha interrupted. This was one question Fury wanted answered, and now was the perfect time.

Rogers shook his head. "He doesn't fit with the rest of HYDRA's ground forces."

"No, but he would have been perfect for Special Ops."

They all turned to look at Loki at Natasha's words, and as if sensing their attention, Loki looked up to find them all focused on him. He flushed and sat down, hunching over as if trying to hide without being too obvious about it.

"Spy?" Bruce asked, smiling reassuringly at Loki and receiving a timid half-smile in return.

"And assassin. He has the right body for the job, and according to both your notes his control over it grows at a surprising rate."

Stark's notes had said _'beyond the intended programming, probably related to the interface'_. SHIELD had correctly assumed there was more in Loki's body's engineering beyond his enhanced strength, which was why they were currently trying to force Fury into having him strapped on a table and experimented on.

Fury had been able to keep them at bay, but he still wanted his answers, and he really wanted for Stark and Banner to be more careful with what they reported. Given the look both scientists shared, apparently Natasha had already been successful on the second task.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm thinking red, maybe with extensions until it naturally grows enough to be braided."

Pepper shook her head. "One more time, Tony: he's not the Norse Loki. And yes, that means you cannot have a credit card extended to one Loki Laufeyjarson."

"But he _needs_ a credit card."

She just shook her head again, looking at Loki. He certainly had expensive tastes, but that was all Tony's doing, with his insistence to cover the guy in nothing more than the best. Although she had to admit Tony had a point on this, as Loki had the kind of face, body type and posture that made even the cheapest rags look like couture on him, so it made sense to give him nothing but.

"I think he's flirting with the salesgirl," she said, narrowing her eyes. The girl was laughing and flustered.

"Of course he's flirting with the salesgirl, I told him to."

" _Tony!_ "

"What? It's not as if he really has to make an effort, with that accent of his."

And oh, so that was it. Tony hadn't been happy when the language coach Coulson sent happened to be, in Tony's own words, a _'posh old English crumpet'_. Now Loki had a British accent, much to Tony's displeasure and everybody else's delight.

Pepper thought it suited him.

* * *

"Hey, it's you!" the Man of Iron said as soon as he saw Thor, and steered him further into his home without allowing for Thor to greet him back. "Here, look what I have for you."

Thor didn't really hear his friend's words as his attention was all on the third man in the room. He was almost as tall as Thor, pale and black haired, as well as the owner of the most gorgeous pair of green eyes Thor had ever seen. Thor smiled at him and he smiled back with a shy little smile that made Thor want to do something ridiculous to keep it in the man's beautiful face.

"Greetings, friend of Stark," Thor said when Tony failed to introduce them. "I am Thor Odinson, Crown Prince of Asgard. May I be given the pleasure to know your name?"

"Uh," the delicious creature blushed, looking from the hand Thor had taken to kiss, to the face of Tony Stark, who for the first time since Thor had known him appeared quite speechless. "I am Loki. Are you really Thor, the god from Norse mythos, seriously?"

Loki? Like the Loki from Midgardian lore his friends kept asking about?

"Because you don't look like a god," was said with a mischievous twinkle of the eye that made Thor laugh. Somewhere behind him Tony Stark coughed. He was probably sick.

"And how do gods look like, if I'm allowed to ask?"

"Old, with white long hair, white beard and a fatherly air. According to Steve," he added with a wink. Thor had never felt so delighted.

"That sounds like my Father, King of Gods. I am simply the God of Thunder." And then he called for lightning and thunder outside, making the room tremble. "Does that adequately prove my godhood?"

"Jesus _fucking_ Christ," Tony Stark muttered, but Thor didn't pay him attention, because Loki of Midgard was looking at Thor in awe, and it was a lovely look on him.

"Do it again!"

* * *

"We have to tell Thor," Bruce said as soon as they all ended in the same room without Thor and Loki. None of them felt entirely comfortable having Thor flirt with Loki and even less with Loki flirting back, and it was obvious in the way nobody seemed to be able to look each other in the eye.

Honestly, Clint found the whole thing both hilarious and cute even if still, yes, a little bit unnerving. But both Bruce and, most particularly, Tony, seemed to be having a lot of trouble with the two other guys making googly eyes at each other.

Which kind of served Tony right for being the one who kept joking about the whole Norse!Loki thing until it exploded in his face.

Anyway …

"I already told him, he doesn't care."

Tony's laser-like gaze focused on him. "And what exactly did you tell him?"

"I told him, _'Thor, Loki is not really human'_ ".

"And what exactly did he say?"

"He said, he said—"

"Neither am I."

And yes, those were exactly the same words Thor had said the first time, although on that occasion he didn't appear as pissed off as he currently was.

Everybody took a step back except for Natasha, but that was just because she was an awesome BAMF.

"Look, young man," and of course Tony had a death wish. "I don't know how things are done—"

"Tony, please," Steve intervened, stepping between Tony and the fuming Norse God of Thunder. "Thor?"

And if there was one person worth of the word _'brave'_ , that was Captain America for you. Any other lesser being would have been pissing their pants, but Steve only looked at Thor with disapproval clear on his face until the god relented and stopped trying to out-glare Tony, focusing instead on Steve.

"Yes, friend Steve?"

"Loki is much younger than he looks like. That's what has been bothering us." And yes! _That_ was indeed what had been bothering Clint, even if he hadn't been able to understand, much less put into words. "He's still a child in certain aspects, and we wouldn't want for you to push him into something he's not yet prepared for."

Thor's face as Steve spoke did a complete one-hundred-and-eighty, going from angry to anguished in two seconds flat.

"I would never— I didn't realize—"

"We understand. But now you know."

Outside the thunderstorm finally died, and Clint allowed himself to relax the hold on his bow.

* * *

"I need a moment," Bruce said as soon as he finished covering Loki's cuts and scratches with clean gauze. Fortunately he didn't leave the room, choosing instead to go sit on the floor by the corner, hands over his head while muttering at himself.

It was a good thing, because whatever else Tony might be, he simply wasn't good at the emotional thing.

He could try, though.

"Want to explain why you did what you did?" he asked, waving at Loki's chest.

Loki only looked at his hands, blood still stuck under his well-cared nails. He was fastidious with his appearance, and to have him just observing without obsessively attempting to clean them made Tony's stomach churn in apprehension.

"I wanted for it to stop hurting."

Tony shared a worried look with Bruce before turning back to address Loki again. "What hurts? Where does it hurt, kiddo?"

Loki pushed his hand on the middle of his chest so hard it had to cause some damage, especially with his self-inflicted injuries, making Tony jump and Bruce cross the room in two strides to stop him.

"Inside," Loki explained in a wet and small voice. "It's hard to breathe, and it hurts, and I cannot reach it, and I'm scared."

And oh god, but one of the reasons Tony agreed to develop Loki's program was for the chance to experiment with a nuanced physically reactive interface beyond anything he had developed before. And the results had been satisfactory, because Loki was obviously a sensual creature, capable and willing to explore the multiple sensory stimuli Tony presented him, but those were usually of the ridiculously expensive and pleasant type: silk and linen and leather and Egyptian cotton, Kobe burgers and caviar and champagne, cello concerts, spa visits, movie nights and museum outings.

Yes, they had experimented with pain, but nothing beyond pricking his fingers and asking him to rate how much his body hurt after the days Natasha made him do laps and crunches in order to keep his muscular tone. Neither he nor Bruce had felt like purposefully harming Loki in order to test his endurance to pain, and now they had no way to tell how serious this was, nothing to compare it to.

"Make it stop," Loki said, his words broken and muffled by Bruce's shirt where he was latched on him. And the look Bruce shared with Tony proved the man was as much at a loss as Tony himself. But unlike Tony he wasn't freaking out at the emotional rollercoaster in his arms, and was able to regain his composure after a moment.

"We'll figure it out, all right? Let's start with a scan."

And with a scan they started.

* * *

Steve followed the rest of the team out of the living room, the only one to actually try to be discreet about it. He shouldn't have bothered, as Loki just remained bundled in the blanket Clint had thrown over him hours ago. He wasn't even asleep, but his eyes had a faraway quality that made clear he wasn't really present either.

It had almost been a week of Tony and Bruce trying to find what was wrong with Loki only to have every exam fail to show anything conclusive. They had started with physical causes, worried that the process that made Loki possible had failed somewhere and was making him self-destruct, but so far they had been proved wrong. Unfortunately it gave credence to the theory nobody was eager to be proven true: that something in Tony's programming was to blame, and that its interaction with Loki's body was beginning to corrupt.

Everybody in the kitchen looked worried to certain measure, giving Steve the kick he needed to finally speak his mind.

"I know I'm not exactly qualified," he said, "but the therapist I went to when I first woke up gave me a book, and I'm sure I'm getting something wrong, but doesn't Loki seem depressed to you?"

The look everybody gave Steve made him take a step back in apprehension, but still it wasn't enough to escape Bruce and the quick kiss he dropped on his lips. Steve wasn't even able to push him back, as the equally quick _'I love you'_ was followed by a flurry of movement as Bruce and Tony left the kitchen while they volleyed words like melatonin shots and sunbathing and exercise, as they wondered out loud whether they had to call Fury or find a therapist on their own.

"It was Thor's fault, wasn't it?" Clint said, shaking his head as he left, closely followed by Natasha.

And yes, it probably was, as looking back it all coincided with Thor's return to Asgard.

"Your name is Heimdall, right?" Steve asked, looking upwards. "Could you tell Thor to wait for a while, until Loki is better, before coming back? Uh … thank you. And I hope you have a nice day."

He really disliked having Loki feel this bad, but if they were right and Loki was closer to humanity, emotionally speaking, than Tony and Bruce originally estimated, then they needed to deal with this mess before Thor returned and made it worse.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do they feed him, sarcasm?"

Natasha smirked at her boss. "Given that he spent most of his formative time with Stark, Banner and Jarvis, it isn't unexpected."

Director Fury breathed deeply, not losing sight of the dark haired man currently facing three SHIELD operatives.

"He certainly is a fast learner."

And that he was. Natasha had started training him in earnest a couple months ago, but he only embraced her lessons wholeheartedly when she explained the expected benefits on his focus and on dealing with the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Now he barely had a problem throwing one man after the next to the mats, although he certainly wouldn't be a match against Natasha herself.

"Where are you two supposed to be?"

"The MoMa exposition on Russian Traditional Art; unfortunately Rogers couldn't accompany us due to an unscheduled request to visit a school."

"Ah, unfortunate certainly," Fury said while he signaled for the three men to attack at once. "Does he understand why this has to remain a secret?" Loki fell down under their combined force almost immediately. She frowned, noticing the opening she could have easily taken, had she been in his position.

"He doesn't like it, but he understands."

While they watched Loki managed to disentangle himself from the other three but was eventually taken down a second time. It was not that he couldn't handle them; instead it was obvious to Natasha, and to Fury if his frown was any indication, that Loki was holding back.

"He refuses to cause damage," she voiced out. "Between Banner and Rogers …"

She didn't need to end what she was saying because Loki was once again being forced on his stomach, this time for long enough to allow the agents to secure him with flexible handcuffs on wrists and ankles. He finally stopped moving and the men made the mistake to believe it meant he was accepting defeat. But as soon as they moved back he twisted, brought his arms to the front, broke the plastic ties and had two of them on the mats before they realized what was happening.

His strategy had changed, that much she could say, but still he refused to hurt his opponents beyond leaving them winded and disoriented.

"Do we have his loyalty?" asked Fury when the third man was dropped, his hands and feet secured with what remained of the t-shirt Loki had taken from him.

"No." One of the men got up only to return to the floor with a broken nose, and although Loki winced he didn't pause on his attack against the last agent. "The Avengers do, in general terms, but mostly he's loyal to Stark and Banner."

"So he won't fight against them." _He won't fight against Hulk_ , he didn't say, but she heard all right.

"He knows about Banner's inner dilemma. He would be willing to fight against the Hulk if it stopped something Banner would later regret."

"Good."

The last man was thrown down, bound and thoughtfully defeated.

* * *

"Can you stop recording?"

Jarvis redirected more power to the processes currently running in Loki's room.

" _Yes, but only by personal request of Mr. Stark."_

Jarvis made one of the cameras zoom in, noticing the signals of nervousness on Loki. He sometimes found it difficult to remember that Loki was one of Mr. Stark's creations, particularly of late, as he behaved more and more like the other occupants of the Tower.

"So Tony knows everything that happens behind closed doors, even if it is of intimate nature?"

" _Potentially affirmative,"_ Jarvis said while he further processed the question's many meanings. Given Loki's recent web searches and behavior, Jarvis could make an educated guess as to what was being asked. _"Are you planning for a more practical approach on your research on self-pleasure?"_

"I just want to understand."

If Jarvis had to identify one single person as responsible for Loki's sudden interest on human sexuality, he wouldn't be able to choose. There was of course the time Loki had walked on Mr. Stark, Miss Potts and Dr. Banner while they were engaged with each other, but Captain Rogers' inability to turn off the television after he inadvertently landed on a porn channel that one time he and Loki were preparing to watch a movie, and Agent Barton's many crude jokes whose origins Loki just _had_ to investigate were equally to blame.

" _Maybe your inability to understand means you are not ready to engage on it yet."_

Jarvis wasn't really sure he was choosing the right words, but he had accompanied Loki on his research, and that appeared to be good advice. He would have to consult Mr. Stark as soon as he finished with his current project and was less likely to burn the lab.

"Do you think he'll return?"

Jarvis didn't have to consult his database to know who Loki was asking about. He always meant the same person when he made that question, and Jarvis always gave the same answer.

" _The past allows inferring a positive answer to your inquiry."_

"I sometimes dream of him."

Jarvis made extrapolations based on what he knew of sex, both by research and by observation, and was able to find several occasions where Loki had woken up, a mix of surprise, curiosity and uncertainty on his face.

He took half of a second to consider his choices, and another half to pick one.

" _According to protocol, while surveillance doesn't stop when the visitors and inhabitants of the building engage in intimate acts, I am to keep these instances under password protection only to be retrieved by Mr. Stark's request, with the permission of those involved."_

"Am I considered one of the Tower's inhabitants?"

He sent a query, rapidly but thoughtfully analyzing any instance where Loki's station had been mentioned.

" _I have no received any instructions on the contrary."_ Loki still looked unsure, as if stuck and unable to make a decision. _"If I'm allowed a suggestion,"_ Jarvis said, knowing that his next words would push Loki in one direction or the other, _"as with any other bedroom in this building, there should be a bottle of lubricant in the bedside table."_ And then he waited a bit before adding, _"It should help smooth things over."_

Loki snickered and reached for the drawer.

" _What is it like, to have a body?"_ Jarvis asked later, while Loki lay panting, his hearth rate steadily slowing down.

"Confusing."

Jarvis hummed and watched Loki fall asleep. He didn't have enough information to form an opinion, but what little he knew allowed him to speculate that having a body was not the only source of Loki's confusion.

* * *

There was something different about Loki the next time Thor saw him. He arrived to New Mexico first, keeping the promise to visit his friends and tell them how Jane Foster was doing and how longer it would take to repair the Bifrost, before allowing SHIELD to take him to the Midgardian city of New York.

Thor saw Loki before the Midgardian saw him, and it was a relief to notice distance and time had not affected the image in his memory, as the man looked as lovely as the first time they had met. But then Tony Stark said something and Loki turned, and although he still blushed and looked pleasantly surprised at seeing him, Thor could say immediately that something deep in his eyes had changed.

"Greetings, Loki of Midgard," he said as soon as they were at hands' reach, just to find himself enveloped in a warm embrace, both hearing Loki's chuckles and feeling them against his chest.

Unfortunately he couldn't spend as much time with Loki as he would have wanted, as he had messages and packages from Jane to deliver to both Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. By the time they were finished it was already late in the night, so he went to his rooms already planning to wake up early in order to give all of his attention to the other man the next day.

Except there was a note under his door, and although Thor didn't understand the Midgardian script, Stark's servant helpfully read it for him.

_Have a good night, Thor Odinson, Crown Prince of Asgard, God of Thunder._

There was no name, but he could almost hear Loki's voice saying the words. And for a too long moment he debated with himself, torn between going to bed and wanting to see him one more time. Before his banishment he wouldn't have thought, believing it his due. But after learning his lesson, and knowing what his friends had told him of Loki's nature, he eventually decided to wait.

He had convinced the Allfather into allowing him to stay on Midgard until the Bifrost was repaired, and he intended to spend every single day courting the man who had stolen his hearth. And if what the Lady Widow had told him was the truth, then they had centuries to look forward to.

He could wait.

* * *

" _Sir, I have lost contact with the Tower."_

Tony swore, swerving to the side to avoid the lasers while trying to process what Jarvis had just said.

"What?"

" _I have lost contact with the Tower, Sir. It's been three point five minutes since our communications were cut, and all attempts to reconnect have been unsuccessful."_

Fuck. Another Doombot tried to ambush him. That didn't end well for it, or for the car it fell onto.

"Try Pepper's cell, switch to satellital."

" _Already tried, Sir, Loki's as well. Both are out of reach."_

Motherfucker.

"They are _satellital_ , buddy, and in the middle of New York. They can't be out of reach."

" _I know, Sir."_

He switched to the main channel.

"Sorry guys, but I'm going to have to bust this party. A previous engagement, let's get together another day."

" _What—"_

" _I don't—"_

" _Explain,"_ Captain America's voice came strong and clear, making all the others shut up.

Tony shoot another bot, angry at the waste of time but knowing that he owed it to the team.

"We have lost contact with the Avengers Tower. And for those that are not aware: the systems are mine, and they are that good. The only reason it would happen is if the Tower is under attack and it has been purposefully cut out."

Along with Pepper, Loki and a heavily drugged Bruce Banner nursing a broken leg.

" _Hawkeye, call SHIELD and explain the situation,"_ Rogers ordered, making Tony growl and shoot and miss at the closest Doombot. _"We are already one man down; we cannot afford to lose you too, Stark."_

" _SHIELD is informed and on its way, Cap."_

"I don't think—" but he wasn't able to finish complaining, because suddenly the skies were darkening and the charge of electricity made his suit's screen crackle.

" _Take cover, Man of Iron!"_

"Sweet mother of god!"

Several thousands of dollars in damages to the city later, Tony raised his visor, waiting for his suit to finish recovering from the electrical discharge to put all other electrical discharges to shame.

"Or he could do that," Rogers said, approaching Tony and frowning at the smoking Doombots and the destruction they had caused in their abrupt and entirely uncoordinated fall. "Take Thor and go, we'll try to make this look less bad."

And okay, Tony was all for that.

But he just was sure he wasn't going to like what they found when they arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I'm changing this fic's rating and setting here a warning for gore and violence. The acts themselves are not shown, but the results are described in a somewhat graphic manner, particularly in this chapter's third section. Keep in mind that this story will still have a happy ending! Hopefully it won't upset many of you, I'm simply trying to cover the second bonus point of the original prompt: 
> 
> _Some religious fanatics try to kill Loki because they think Tony has become so arrogant he imagined himself God who can create a human. Tony or Thor tear them a new one for their attempt_

"It was the Church of Humanity, then?" Bruce asked, fighting nausea, a killer headache and the knowledge that Loki had gone with them without a fight in order to spare both his and Pepper's lives. And the worse thing was that his leg remained broken, and whatever _Half-life_ had done to drain the Hulk still affected him, so he wasn't going to be able to help unless it took them a couple more weeks to find Loki.

Not that Loki would survive a couple weeks with those fanatics.

"What is this church you speak of?" It was Thor who made the question.

Steve looked a little lost as well.

"Is it related to that anti-mutant group, Friends of Humanity?"

Bruce nodded. "They are both groups of people that are against the existence of mutants. Both are radical, but the Church even more so."

"At least it was not the Purifiers," Clint mumbled from where he was sitting at the other extreme of Bruce's bed.

"Terrorists," Bruce explained again to Thor and Steve. "They are religious fundamentalists like the Church, but also better trained and basically a paramilitary force. Both have mutant extermination in their agenda, although the Purifiers are more ruthless."

"Thus the Church being the better choice," concluded Clint.

Steve frowned. "None of this happening would have been a better choice."

"But Loki is not a mutant." Thor looked at them all, turning more worried after looking at their faces. "It was you who told me he was an artificial man, like the Man of Iron's other creations."

Bruce bit his tongue and exchanged a worried glance with Tony. They had never explicitly talked about it, but deep down Bruce thought of Loki as more than an artificial creation, and he knew with certainty that it was the same for Tony.

"His body was engineered, that means artificially modified by humankind," Natasha explained coolly. "To the Church of Humanity that makes him an abomination against nature, thus something to be destroyed."

And truly, didn't that describe them all, except for Thor and maybe Clint? But for some reason the Church had targeted Loki, and furthermore: they _were aware_ of Loki's existence. Nobody outside of the Avengers and certain governmental circles should have ever heard of him. That they knew was deeply, deeply worrying, and everybody but Thor seemed to be realizing it.

Even were Loki to be safe and hale when they recovered him, and they _were_ going to recover Loki, things were never going to be the same.

* * *

" _Do not enter, Iron Man. I repeat: stay where you are."_

" _Like hell I'm going to,"_ Stark all but growled, rushing to dodge Steve when he tried to stop him, but otherwise keeping his approach careful. That Black Widow and Hawkeye didn't seem to be fighting for their lives gave Steve hope, but he was thankful that Stark, emotionally compromised or not, wasn't about to get anyone killed by running into the building.

Steve was absolutely not prepared for the scene that awaited them. He arrived right after Stark, but while the inventor froze, Steve had enough experience from his past in war zones to shake himself, put the part of his mind that was deeply horrified on hold, and do what needed to be done. "Widow, report."

"Apparently there are no other survivors," she said, and watching the unmoving bodies littering the space Steve could believe it. "Hawkeye and I are going to do a sweep once we deal with this."

 _This_ was Loki looking like what nightmares are made of, covered in nothing but blood and gore, lower part of his face hidden behind a gag, and his eyes, oh _his eyes_. Steve refused to acknowledge his first thought, but deep down he knew that the horribly bruised, sunken and stitched eyelids hid nothing but empty sockets.

He also looked positively feral.

"We can't get to him," Widow continued, glaring at Thor when he tried to approach. "He obviously can't see us, and either he can't hear us or is unable to understand our words. Trying to get close will only hurt him further or get ourselves killed."

" _Tony?"_ Banner said over the comm line, and again Steve was glad that the scientist wasn't around. Experiencing this first hand would have undoubtedly brought the Hulk out, and that would be nothing but trouble under the current circumstances. As it was, Steve could still hear how tightly Banner was holding his control, even if the man had only heard Hawkeye's rather sparse description of the scene they had found.

"It seems they were trying to cut him from the world, severing his senses," Stark said then, raising his suit's faceplate, his voice rough and faraway.

Steve looked at Loki again, trying to see beyond the wild creature and noticing the line of darker red that crossed his left wrist, adding to the gathered pools of blood in a non-stopping but thankfully sluggish drip. His nose was broken and swollen, and his ears, covered in soot, seemed to be tampered with as well. "Sight and smell and hearing are probably all gone," he listed, knowing Stark could not.

Over the comm, Banner inhaled sharply.

" _So that leaves us with what? Taste and touch? Can you even get close to him?"_

"No taste either." Not without taking off the gag, anyway. Steve didn't want to imagine what they were going to find under it.

"He has an input/output port, right? From where he was originally connected to Jarvis, when you were still working on his programming."

Steve was familiar enough with the language Widow had used to understand what she was saying, and he had to force himself to stop thinking of the concept as barbaric. He was so used to having Loki around that the knowledge that he was something other than human had almost slipped his mind.

" _We have to get him back to the Tower's labs for that."_

And that wasn't going to be easy, not if they wanted to avoid further harm to Loki. They were going to have to drug him, although Steve doubted any of them carried—

"Thor, call your thunder."

Thor seemed as surprised as Steve felt. "Man of Iron?" he asked, finally tearing his gaze from Loki to look at Stark.

"Your thunder, call your thunder. Make it shake the building."

Confusion gave way to what looked like cautious hope in Thor's face. The puzzlement everybody else seemed to be feeling except for Stark made Steve feel no less uncertain.

"What are you doing?" he tried to ask, but found himself prevented first by the sudden static making his hair prickle, then by the deafening boom of thunder.

"Again."

The second thunder still made him jump, but he was expecting it now.

And he wasn't the only one.

* * *

It took many hours before Tony was able to hide in his personal lab. He hadn't even taken off his suit, and it added to the almost four days of missed sleep, skipped meals and too many depressive thoughts, leaving him more rung out than it should have been possible for a human being.

He had felt like a failure many times since Loki was taken. He had expected for it to end when they found him.

"Jarv, let's hack SHIELD," he said while the Iron Man's suit was removed. "I want to know what happened inside that damn building. I want to know if anybody lived to tell the tale, and I want to be informed the moment Fury dearest gets his paws on them."

" _Already done, sir."_

Tony froze.

"What part exactly?"

" _All of them, sir. SHIELD's forces entered the building almost before Mister Odinson took Loki into the quinjet. They found a recording system, and Agent Hill personally took the surveillance tapes to Director Fury."_

The floor opened under Tony's feet.

Metaphorically speaking, of course. Otherwise he would have landed in the next level of the Tower, instead of simply wobbling to the closest bench.

"Can we get a copy of the tapes?"

" _It is already in the private server, sir."_

Oh.

_Oh._

He hadn't expected it. Who the hell recorded whatever it was they had done, whatever torture they had inflicted upon Loki just because he didn't fit in their narrow idea of humanity? Who _the hell_ did they think they were?! What _right_ did they think they had?!

"Bring it up, all screens."

" _With all respect, sir, no."_

"Excuse me?" he asked incredulously, surprise forcibly flushing the anger and leaving him curiously bereft.

" _I do not think it is healthy for you to watch this, sir."_

Tony barked a laugh.

"Healthy? Jarvis, what the fuck." Because, seriously, what the fuck. When had Anthony Goddamn Stark been anything close to healthy.

Jarvis wisely refused to defend what was obviously a flawed argument.

"I can shut you down with a word and you know it, pal."

" _All copies of the recordings will be deleted if that happens, sir, including the ones currently in possession of SHIELD."_

Tony grinned fiercely. _Aww yiss_. A pain in the ass to Tony currently, but that was his boy.

"Then why exactly tell me this?" It would have been easier for Tony to ignore such a thing existed. His curiosity was his one true weakness, no matter how much of a bad idea it sometimes was to indulge.

" _Because, however advanced my programming might be, I'm not in the habit of lying. And you would have eventually known of their existence, possibly via Agent Romanoff."_

"Ah." Yes, it made sense. And Jarvis knew well that Tony preferred to take everything that came from SHIELD with a grain of salt. "So you…"

" _Have a report for you, sir."_

Tony closed his eyes in irritation. "That's a bit hypocritical, buddy, don't you think?"

" _It is not in my nature to wish, sir,"_ Jarvis said, curiously hesitant, making Tony frown. _"But according to the simulations I have ran, were my programming to be changed to accommodate for it, the chances I would wish to be able to unsee what I have seen would be as high as ninety eight point seventy five percent."_

And Tony … could understand that.

"Alright, report then. Give me the gist of it first. How does it fall with what Bruce found? And remember," he paused, starting a new file in the closest screen, "he's already told us the ugly. I'm not asking for every detail, but there's no need to sugarcoat the basics."

" _It coincides with Dr. Banner's observations. They removed both eyeballs first, then cut his tongue, cut his vocal cords and sewed his mouth shut."_ And hell, okay, having heard it already didn't make the second time easier. _"Then they crushed his nose and perforated both timpani before burning his inner ear structure. They were getting ready to cut the major tendons in his extremities, and planned to remove all of his skin after that."_

Motherfuckers.

"And then he killed them."

A pause, and then _"Yes."_

Something in the way he said that lone word made Tony deeply uncomfortable.

"Jarvis?"

" _I have been trying to understand, sir. They were attacking him, both physically and verbally, yet Loki didn't react. He didn't try to stop them, didn't try to defend himself, not until the very end. In retrospect it is obvious he had the training, the ability and the strength to escape, perhaps with less bloodshed, yet he didn't."_

Tony's stomach dropped. He had already thought about it, his treacherous mind bringing back a memory of something Pepper had said some time ago. _A helicopter parent, Tony, have you heard of it? You need to let Loki meet the real world._

"I think he wasn't ready for such hate to be directed at him," he simply said.

And Tony? Couldn't have failed him worse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. It was my intention to update sooner, but work hit me hard this week. In the other hand, this fic is now longer than I originally planned :). This should have been the last chapter, but I somehow found myself with two additional parts, oy. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!

"And Stark?"

"Still sober." _Surprisingly_ , she didn't add, although neither Fury nor Coulson needed her to. "He's basically camping out in his lab, playing around with cyber prosthetic designs and finding new and surprising ways to make them better. Not unexpected when it comes to Stark, although unlike his usual desire for solitude, this time he's allowed Banner to keep him company."

Thankfully the Avengers hadn't been needed for anything the only three remaining active members hadn't been able to handle. With Thor absent and the Hulk out of commission, Rogers had still been unwilling to call upon Iron Man.

Natasha agreed with him, although her reasons were different than the Captain's.

"Haven't they asked for answers?"

"Not from me." She hesitated for a moment. "Although Jarvis refuses to confirm it, I think there has been at least one group meeting I haven't been informed of."

Fury didn't appear surprised, not that she expected him to be. She hadn't been surprised either, as she had known the truth would eventually come out. That didn't make Clint's look of betrayal hurt any less, though.

"As long as it's not needed, we can wait for them to choose the time," Fury stated, nodding at her before turning his attention to Coulson. "And this brings us back to the decision itself. It's been a week and we haven't had any news from Asgard. You still think it was the right choice?"

As always, Coulson's face remained carefully controlled, although more bland than blank. "Given the circumstances it was the only choice available at the moment. Furthermore, Stark's lack of self-destructive behavior tells us that it was, as far as he's concerned, the only practical alternative."

Fury sat down behind his desk, doing a good job at faking a relaxed demeanor. "And that's the difference between us. I don't for a moment believe Stark's act." He sighed then. They all knew that, taken literally, Coulson's words were not right. There _were_ other alternatives, but given what was at stake and taking in mind the end result Fury was striving for, what the Avengers as a group had chosen fit nicely.

Except for the fact that they had no way to know what Loki's current status was.

"What _do_ we know?" he eventually asked.

"That the injuries he sustained, although not life-threatening, would have been impossible to make a complete recovery from with modern medicine," Natasha listed. "That cybernetic prosthesis could have been a suitable substitute in time, but were not enough at the moment. Not advanced enough given that no R&D lab has truly focused in implementing them. Not approved or even tested, which made them unreliable, especially given that Loki's nature added an extra layer of uncertainty. And not ready in any way to be used in an immediate manner."

"They would have also made Loki's life more difficult afterwards."

Fury glared at Coulson but didn't refute his little retort, motioning instead for Natasha to continue.

She shrugged. "The rest we only know through Thor, so there's no proof other than his word. According to him, the healing arts in Asgard are advanced enough to deal with such injuries, as long as they are treated in a timely manner. According to him as well, mortals are not usually allowed into his home realm, but he was convinced he could persuade the king, or failing that the queen, to permit it this time. He promised to return immediately if his father didn't allow for Loki to be treated, so given that we are still waiting for him…"

"The king we are talking about once stripped his own son and heir of his godhood and dropped him in a place noticeably different to what he was used to, possibly to his death." Fury paused, unmistakably for effect. "And then sent a killer robot-like creature to accelerate said death when the boy refused to learn his lesson fast enough."

Coulson, who had faced the aftermath of that particular event, didn't seem particularly worried.

"Worst case scenario, we lose Loki. Given we already believed that had been the outcome after the Church of Humanity absconded with him, I can only see the current situation as an improvement."

Natasha kept her face carefully neutral. There was a reason why Fury kept Coulson as professionally and carefully detached from Loki as possible; he had the potential to become a fearsome foe after all, so it made sense to have one of them ready to face and eventually take him down. It being Coulson had been a surprise at first, but eventually she came to see the brilliance in such decision.

If there was one word to define Coulson, it was _efficient_. And although he didn't give the impression of ruthlessness, it was a proven fact that he knew how to handle her, Clint and a milliard other agents in a million different situations, discreet and unassuming and competent and resourceful, so she was willing to acknowledge he was their best shot at managing the disaster Loki had the potential to become.

It still made her uncomfortable, but that was just another reason why she hadn't been given the task.

And lately she had been grateful for that.

* * *

Three weeks since Loki was taken from the Tower, and it was only now that they were all together in the same room at the same time. Five out of six from the Avengers as Thor had yet to return, plus Pepper Potts, who had been the force behind this breakfast actually happening.

There were a thousand things Clint wanted to say, but for the sake of civility he kept his mouth shut, busying his hands instead and choosing to only nod at the others in acknowledgement. Toasting a full plate of bread and buttering half of it was good enough distraction and gave him something to do while the rest of the food was ready. Still, no matter how much he stalled, he was done before the rest of them except for Stark, who after setting the table had been distracting himself with the cutlery for the last ten minutes.

Nobody had said anything beyond the minimum necessary except for Potts.

Bringing their considerable collection of jams, syrups and honeys to the table, Clint set to covering the unbuttered slices of bread with every flavor available.

Halfway through breakfast, most of them remained untouched.

"Am I the only one who _cares_ about the lies?" he almost asked, stopping himself by filling his mouth with bacon and homemade hash browns.

Loki shouldn't be able to lie.

He wasn't surprised by Natasha's lies. They hurt but were not unexpected, and to be honest he was grateful that SHIELD hadn't included him into their scheme. There were lines he wasn't willing to cross, loyalties aside, even if he understood Natasha worked differently.

But Loki's lies? They left him gutted, and feeling used, and winded, and scorched.

Loki shouldn't be able to lie.

Clint had thought hard and long before trusting Loki, well aware of what he was getting into, refusing to jump blindly into an already complicated situation. Still he had trusted Loki, and in the end the result had been the same.

He had shared his favorite movies with him, built more than one pillow fort, engaged into an ongoing war of harmless pranks against the rest of the Tower occupants. They had sneaked ice cream into their rooms at night, battled with popcorn across every room in three different floors, ate themselves silly once Loki figured out how to order one of each flavor of muffin from a local bakery without Jarvis noticing.

Clint had told him everything about his childhood, _everything_.

And still Loki had lied to him.

When Natasha's relationship with Loki had started to change Clint had been wary at first. She began training him as soon as he was capable of controlling his body, but other than that she had kept her distance. But then they became running partners, and things just. Cascaded.

Clint had asked Loki, right to the point. Their outings were just too convenient, and he knew Natasha. He also knew Fury, and SHIELD, and what TPTB could do with somebody with Loki's potential. He hadn't even been completely against it, as long as Loki agreed and was treated as more than a weapon. He could see himself fighting alongside Loki, going in missions with him, trusting him at his back.

But Loki had denied it. He had said he and Natasha were just friends. He had swore nothing was happening beyond coffee dates, museum visits, park strolls, shopping sprees. And Clint had believed him, had wanted so much to believe that he simply did. Natasha deserved a friend as well, and she didn't trust easily, so wasn't Loki perfect for her?

And Loki had looked Clint in the eye, and he had lied to him.

* * *

"But why?" Pepper asked, drying her hair. Bruce was still in the bathroom, but Tony had followed her into the bedroom and she was taking the chance to talk to him alone. Bruce had been having a hard time, struggling to keep his temper under control in order to avoid delaying his recovery further, so it was better if he didn't have to face the Loki situation yet again and risk getting angry.

Tony, on the other hand, had been just the opposite.

"It was the right call."

"You truly believe that?" It didn't fit with the Tony Stark she knew, cocky and confident in his own abilities, willing to almost die before asking for help. That he wasn't tearing the building apart and swearing left and right he could have done better than any Asgardian hocus pocus was just so out of character that she had to ask.

Tony hesitated. "I am sure that, with time, I would have done a better job," he admitted, shrugged. "But that's the thing, isn't it? We didn't have time, not truly."

"What do you mean?" From what Jarvis had shared with her, Pepper had gleaned Loki's survival hadn't been at stake. He had suffered some horrified injuries, truly, but he wasn't dying.

"You didn't hear what they said to him."

Pepper's heart tripped. "You did?"

"Jarvis. There's a written report of it that you are never, ever going to read," Tony said, his gaze haunted. Pepper almost felt sorry for asking.

"It was the kind of thing you wouldn't want to be locked into your own mind with," Bruce said suddenly, making her jump and turn around to face him.

"What?"

"They cut Loki from the rest of the world," he said, his voice gentle. "We think they were trying for something along the lines of total locked-in syndrome. They got close enough."

" _I can't remember aaanything_ ," Tony sang softly behind her, the words familiar but not familiar enough, " _can't tell if this is true or dreeeeam_. Jarvis, bring it on."

"Don't, Jarvis," Bruce countered swiftly, turning a tired glare at Tony.

"I don't think I understand," Pepper stated, but it was not exactly true. She allowed for Bruce to take the towel, and then Tony pulled her into their bed.

"That's why we think it was the best that he left with Thor," Tony explained, hugging her while reality crashed down. "Could I have eventually arrived to the best solution? Totally. But that means that Loki would have had to _wait_."

Alone. Locked in.

Pepper shuddered, and let Tony and Bruce hug and anchor her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Tony sing is _[One](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_\(Metallica_song\))_ by Metallica.

**Author's Note:**

> You can also comment at [FFnet](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10033747/1/Make-me-feel-alive) and [Tumblr](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/theotherghostwriter).


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